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Techniques of Municipal Distraction (Numbers 1-9)

Imagine that you’re a bureaucrat or long-term politician in a municipality with budget problems, failed police leadership, restrictive enforcement, or other embarrassments.

Yours could be one of countless towns in America.

What to do?

The easiest path, and the one that you’ll likely take, it is commit to techniques of distraction rather than acknowledge, let alone solve, any of your city’s problems.

These are among the most common tactics for a local CYA effort:

1. Admit No Wrongdoing or Fault. In almost all cases, it’s foolish to admit that you might have been wrong about something – it’s not whether you were wrong, but whether someone can prove it.

Relax – few people have good information, and most will neither know nor be inclined to look for independent information.

2. Deny Basic Facts. In most cases, you don’t want to deny anything. It’s too defensive.

If, however, you have to deny something, there are ways to deny effectively. If someone asks if you were somewhere, or said something unrecorded, tell them you weren’t there, or never made those statements. Deny big!

If you think they might be able to prove your conduct, say you can’t recall. They may never investigate further, or may come up empty despite the fundamental truth.

Always deny press inquiries indirectly, if you must, by answering as though you were posed a slightly different question. Never answer a difficult question with a direct, responsive, and candid answer.

You can answer minor questions honestly, but never serious, critical ones. This isn’t a confessional, after all. It’s politics and government, and your conduct is justified for higher ends. Never forget that you have a higher purpose that justifies so-called ‘misconduct.’ You’re above that – you’re practical in pursuit of the profound.

3. Cast Doubt Whenever Possible. If someone, unfortunately, gets word of a truth that you’d prefer remained concealed, you have some solid options: (1) question the accuracy of the information, even if it’s wholly accurate (2) the motivation of those who reveal it, and (3) insinuate there is other information – not yet revealed – that will make all clear, in time.

(Don’t worry about subpoint 3 – you need not have any other information – people will forget about missing the content of your offer, but will remember the offer itself. Say you wish you could say more, but you are unable to do so, based on some present limitation.)

BONUS TIP: Avoid worn-out expressions. For example, never, ever use the phrase “not at liberty to discuss,” as it’s so hackneyed it will be unpersuasive.

4. Forget Your State or Country – It’s All Local. Somewhere in your state legislature, or Washington, there’ll be legislators enacting laws that conflict with what you want. Some of these people are just self-interested politicians like you.

A few, though, are something far worse: do-good reformers who want “to make a difference,” or “make the world a better place.” Don’t be fooled — idealists like this just make it hard for you to conduct business as usual.

Don’t give in – you’re playing a local game, so why not play by local rules? It’s easy to ignore or to counter-interpret state and federal laws. The law is what you say it is, for goodness’ sake. No one checks up on those statutes, anyway.

5. Use the Language of Pop Psychology. Only a fool calls critics idiots – say they’re just confused, or misguided, or angry, and you should express disappointment rather than anger or hostility in reply. Say they “seem” a certain way, and you’re even better off. After all, who really knows?

BONUS TIP: Be careful not to condescend too blatantly. Never offer banal quotations, for example, about enlightenment, inner peace, etc. You’re a public official, not a swami.

Serious public officials – especially ones with career aspirations – never make the mistake of speaking as though they’re better than others. Besides, you’ll just be offering fodder for bloggers, who will hold up your trite remarks as evidence of your arrogance, or cluelessness, or both.

6. Get Your Story Straight. Make sure anyone who might be questioned has a common account and set of talking points. Contradictions in accounts will suggest your own dishonesty, or blame-shifting.

BONUS TIP: Never allow everyone in a chain to use the same peculiar phrase, especially if it’s uncommon, as it will be obvious that you’re on the defensive and huddling together.

7. Find Compliant Reporters. If you’re from a small town, then this should be easy. There will be a local reporter who’ll want access. Give it to him or her, on your terms. Cultivate their trust, and they’ll be less likely to present you with uncomfortable questions about your city’s performance.

8. Write Your Own Stories — Offer them Verbatim. You shouldn’t wait for real news; it’s your job to make good news.

9. Avoid Direct Quotations. When a reporter writes a story that might be unfavorable, but he or she is supportive of you, you should be able to make sure that you’re not quoted on the record. That way, if your statement is questioned, then you’ll be able to say that the reporter misunderstood what you “actually” said.

BONUS TIP: This technique is only likely to work with some reporters; others will see that you’re putting them at risk of blame-casting should the story become controversial.

Next — additional techniques for your assured success.

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