Update, 8:39 PM — I’ve been told the title of the magazine is Marie Claire — sorry, I’m just not a subscriber. My apologizes to all the august readers of that fine publication. Don’t let my small mistake keep you from enjoying articles on “150 Hairstyles Even You Can Master,” “I Married a Terrorist,” or “I Kissed My Co-worker! What Now?”

I have corrected the spelling. By the way, on the cover of the latest issue is Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s surely attractive, but she’s not a Milwaukee native — if the town’s so sizzling, why not pick a Milwaukee model for the cover? Because the Milwaukee’s not that sizzling, that’s why.

Here’s my original post, with the correction —

In my small town of Whitewater, Wisconsin (population 14,296) local officials were quick to claim credit for a misnamed dream town award that actually applied to a far larger location (101,000).

Glory, especially undeserved glory, is fleeting. It turns out that Milwaukee has won a far more prestigious, but no less empty, honor: Milwaukee, yes, Milwaukee, has been named the ‘Sexiest’ City by – ready? – Marie Claire magazine.

Now that’s the kind of headline-catching nonsense that officials in our small town should be flacking!

When flacking dubious awards, flack big! We’re just not playing in the big leagues, yet.

When we win an ill-deserved award of Milwaukee’s type, then we’ll truly have arrived.

Here’s a link to the story:

http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=783581

An affinity scam is when a confidence man relies on a common religious, ethnic, or social background to lull unsuspecting marks into a false sense of security. Rather than scrutinize an otherwise dubious proposition, the victim trusts the confidence man on the basis of a common background.

Page C1 of the Wall Street Journal has a story about an alleged $250 million dollar affinity scheme that principally victimized Orthodox Jews. Hundreds of innocent, trusting people were ruined.

Government, though, sometimes offers its own version of an affinity scheme. Local officials in towns across America often ask voters and taxpayers to trust a scheme because it comes from local politicians – people who are the supposedly the salt of the earth, etc.

The only reason to support a proposal is the soundness of its method and effects.

That won’t stop politicians from tugging on heartstrings and supposed affinity, though.

Here are numbers 10-18 of my list of Techniques of Municipal Distraction, suitable for self-interested politicians and bureaucrats in towns across America.

(Numbers 1-9 are available in an earlier post.)

These are among the most common tactics for a local CYA effort:

10. When Policy is Questioned, Defend on Integrity. If someone questions your actions, then defend by insisting that you’re a good person. Shift the story away from policy. Fast!

11. When Integrity is Questioned, Defend on Policy. If someone questions your integrity, then insist that (1) you have lots of experience, (2) and you’ve always done things this way. (Most people won’t see the irony in this defense.)

12. Insist on the Importance of Prior, Specialized Experience or Knowledge. Always insist on your experience, tenure, and training if you’d think it will help you.

13. Speak to the Core. This isn’t just some hip business psychology mantra, it’s sound advice.

Forget most people – they’re nothing to someone like you, with a career and important responsibilities. The hoi polloi only matter if looking sympathetic to them will get you a few votes.

You should concern yourself with so-called insiders, people of influence, movers and shakers: your core constituency. They count.

It doesn’t matter if others think you’re wrong, or look foolish. They don’t count, especially if you’re unelected.

14. Line Up Toadies to Flack Your Line. Don’t let the truth get you down – fight back with your own version of events. That version needs a voice, and where better to look than a stable of willing sycophants? You should have people ready to comment in support of your views, on cue. Make sure they know how to divert attention from truthful, substantive issues to your town’s official (and admittedly asinine) positions.

15. Be Hypocritical. Look, it’s about time municipal officials realize terms like “hypocrisy,” or “inconsistency” are just bigoted assaults on local government. People who say these things are haters, the worst kind of haters, really: government haters.

If they understood how hard it was, they’d shut up and stay home.

Shift positions to your advantage – embrace a situational ethics. If some seek information, insist on confidentiality. If others seek confidentiality, insist on openness.

BONUS TIP: You don’t have to believe in principle, but you do have to convince others that you do.

16. Blame Outsiders. This works well in small towns with a local group that dislikes outsiders. If you have a small minority of outsiders who are different by ethnicity, or age, your prospects are even better.

The Russian Federation often blames its problems on ethnic minorities, e.g., “Our crops have failed. It must be the Uzbeks again!” Remember, some falsely believe that most of America’s problems are caused by radicals, agitators, students, misfits, vegetarians, Communists, ethnic advocacy groups, or the ACLU.

Make that false notion work for you — blaming any or all of them will seem reasonable to your core supporters.

17. New Media. Unfortunately, it’s increasingly difficult to control information merely through a small-town newspaper, local radio station, city newsletter, or city website.

Bloggers, talk radio, and local newspapers with comment boards may be beyond your control. Even a few critical remarks on a newspaper comment board will undermine your efforts at lining up support. Print was more manageable than the digital world.

You have two options, neither of which is auspicious.

First, you can create your own digital media, or have die-hard supporters do so, to broadcast your message. Unfortunately, a media savvy electorate will see many of your efforts as crude flacking of the status quo. The medium is the message, right up until the moment that it’s presented as a medium just like the old ones. Old wine won’t keep in new wine skins, so to speak.

Second, you can limit press exposure as much as possible, to avoid unfavorable commentary. You can’t control blogs, or comment boards, but you can work to limit information that will generate stories. Instead of trying to present bad news in the best light, try to squelch the news entirely.

This strategy toward silence is difficult, but it will reduce uncontrollable chatter. People can’t reply to what’s not published in the traditional press. Work as hard as you can to keep critical stories about policy from your small town newspaper – how hard can that be?

Don’t try to spin stories in advance of critical commentary, either — that’s too clever by half. You’ll be flagging your concerns, no matter how you try to hide them behind a favorable presentation.

Never, ever let your core supporters (who may rely on traditional media) see you enter an exchange or debate with a critic. Even mention of your critics should be kept from media that are friendly to you.

Strictly speaking, you have no legitimate critics. That’s impossible – you’re a public servant, someone by essence selfless and profound. You’re above so-called ‘critics.’

If you enter a debate, you might not prevail. You must always seem to prevail, especially before your friends. One slip is one slip too many. ‘Stay frosty,’ just like the characters in Aliens, who momentarily panicked when they realized that they were going to get eaten by creatures they couldn’t control. True, most got eaten anyway, but your chances will improve if you stay calm and keep the media quiet.

18. Don’t Shovel Anything that Stinks (Too Much). I know you want to get your story out, but don’t put out a weak story – that’s just a toehold for those who suspect that you’re willing to spin anything to look good. Don’t offer mediocre studies, ever – someone might check the underlying data for accuracy and reliability.

Avoid claims that can be refuted easily. Keep as much underlying data away from the public as you can!

REMEMBER: Public ignorance boosts your prospects. Your prospects are the true public interest. You know the rest…

Imagine that you’re a bureaucrat or long-term politician in a municipality with budget problems, failed police leadership, restrictive enforcement, or other embarrassments.

Yours could be one of countless towns in America.

What to do?

The easiest path, and the one that you’ll likely take, it is commit to techniques of distraction rather than acknowledge, let alone solve, any of your city’s problems.

These are among the most common tactics for a local CYA effort:

1. Admit No Wrongdoing or Fault. In almost all cases, it’s foolish to admit that you might have been wrong about something – it’s not whether you were wrong, but whether someone can prove it.

Relax – few people have good information, and most will neither know nor be inclined to look for independent information.

2. Deny Basic Facts. In most cases, you don’t want to deny anything. It’s too defensive.

If, however, you have to deny something, there are ways to deny effectively. If someone asks if you were somewhere, or said something unrecorded, tell them you weren’t there, or never made those statements. Deny big!

If you think they might be able to prove your conduct, say you can’t recall. They may never investigate further, or may come up empty despite the fundamental truth.

Always deny press inquiries indirectly, if you must, by answering as though you were posed a slightly different question. Never answer a difficult question with a direct, responsive, and candid answer.

You can answer minor questions honestly, but never serious, critical ones. This isn’t a confessional, after all. It’s politics and government, and your conduct is justified for higher ends. Never forget that you have a higher purpose that justifies so-called ‘misconduct.’ You’re above that – you’re practical in pursuit of the profound.

3. Cast Doubt Whenever Possible. If someone, unfortunately, gets word of a truth that you’d prefer remained concealed, you have some solid options: (1) question the accuracy of the information, even if it’s wholly accurate (2) the motivation of those who reveal it, and (3) insinuate there is other information – not yet revealed – that will make all clear, in time.

(Don’t worry about subpoint 3 – you need not have any other information – people will forget about missing the content of your offer, but will remember the offer itself. Say you wish you could say more, but you are unable to do so, based on some present limitation.)

BONUS TIP: Avoid worn-out expressions. For example, never, ever use the phrase “not at liberty to discuss,” as it’s so hackneyed it will be unpersuasive.

4. Forget Your State or Country – It’s All Local. Somewhere in your state legislature, or Washington, there’ll be legislators enacting laws that conflict with what you want. Some of these people are just self-interested politicians like you.

A few, though, are something far worse: do-good reformers who want “to make a difference,” or “make the world a better place.” Don’t be fooled — idealists like this just make it hard for you to conduct business as usual.

Don’t give in – you’re playing a local game, so why not play by local rules? It’s easy to ignore or to counter-interpret state and federal laws. The law is what you say it is, for goodness’ sake. No one checks up on those statutes, anyway.

5. Use the Language of Pop Psychology. Only a fool calls critics idiots – say they’re just confused, or misguided, or angry, and you should express disappointment rather than anger or hostility in reply. Say they “seem” a certain way, and you’re even better off. After all, who really knows?

BONUS TIP: Be careful not to condescend too blatantly. Never offer banal quotations, for example, about enlightenment, inner peace, etc. You’re a public official, not a swami.

Serious public officials – especially ones with career aspirations – never make the mistake of speaking as though they’re better than others. Besides, you’ll just be offering fodder for bloggers, who will hold up your trite remarks as evidence of your arrogance, or cluelessness, or both.

6. Get Your Story Straight. Make sure anyone who might be questioned has a common account and set of talking points. Contradictions in accounts will suggest your own dishonesty, or blame-shifting.

BONUS TIP: Never allow everyone in a chain to use the same peculiar phrase, especially if it’s uncommon, as it will be obvious that you’re on the defensive and huddling together.

7. Find Compliant Reporters. If you’re from a small town, then this should be easy. There will be a local reporter who’ll want access. Give it to him or her, on your terms. Cultivate their trust, and they’ll be less likely to present you with uncomfortable questions about your city’s performance.

8. Write Your Own Stories — Offer them Verbatim. You shouldn’t wait for real news; it’s your job to make good news.

9. Avoid Direct Quotations. When a reporter writes a story that might be unfavorable, but he or she is supportive of you, you should be able to make sure that you’re not quoted on the record. That way, if your statement is questioned, then you’ll be able to say that the reporter misunderstood what you “actually” said.

BONUS TIP: This technique is only likely to work with some reporters; others will see that you’re putting them at risk of blame-casting should the story become controversial.

Next — additional techniques for your assured success.

Over at Philosecurity.org, security analyst Sherri Davidoff recounts what it’s like to try to fly from Boston’s Logan Airport without a wallet and ID.

Her story reveals that TSA security is worrisome, as it asks the wrong information of a passenger without identification, assuring no security while unnecessarily intruding into other matters of personal privacy.

If there are better examples of federal show over substance than the TSA, I do not know of them.

Here’s the link:

http://philosecurity.org/2008/08

/10/flying-without-a-wallet