Here’s the nineteenth annual FREE WHITEWATER list of the scariest, combined this year for the first time with the most reassuring, things in Whitewater. (In 2024, the scariest and most reassuring things in the city appeared in separate posts.)
(The 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, and 2024 editions are available for comparison.)
The list runs in reverse order, from mildly scary to truly frightening and mildly reassuring to truly reassuring.
SCARIEST:
5. The Giant Spider Invasion. There’s an update in the works for the 1977 film The Giant Spider Invasion. Set in Wisconsin, the film depicts how “giant spiders from another dimension invade Wisconsin.” The original director, Bill Rebane, plans to add scenes and characters for a 2026 re-release.
The true risk to Wisconsin, however, isn’t giant spiders, from this or any other dimension. It’s that one of the worst films ever made (a rating of 3.3 of 10 on IMDb) will get more screen time. For those willing to view the original (as I have), it’s available on Tubi and on YouTube as a Mystery Science Theater 3000 subject.
The film does offer one of the saddest lines in all of cinema history: “Sometimes the only way I know you’re alive is when I hear you flush the toilet.” You’ve been warned.
4. Advanced Meeting Science. Can a person, or let’s say several people, create a black hole? That’s what happens in Event Horizon:
It may seem like fantasy, but perhaps it’s not. Whitewater’s collection of the most ingenious scientists school board members in all the state has done something similar by over-using the exceptions to Wisconsin’s Open Meetings Law (Wis. Stat. §§ 19.81-19.98) to keep commonplace discussions hidden from the community. Information gets sucked illegitimately into a dark, compressed closed-session and stays in. It’s been that way for years.
Why follow open-government requirements when you can rely on your own dodgy past practices and the contrived opinions that tell you what you want to hear? This practice won’t change merely because people complain. On the contrary, complaints will only convince those involved to dig in. Obstinacy is among the crudest yet most emotionally satisfying of positions for those who adopt it.
One can’t say whether meeting practices in the Whitewater Schools will change, but one can say with confidence that Event Horizon was, after all, a horror film.
3. Bad, Bad Advice. So you thought that open government and the free flow of public information about public issues was the right practice for an American town? Guess again, punks and hooligans! Many small towns, including Whitewater, have a Boomer or two who’ll tell you that daddy knows best:
I’m not going to get into the details of the negotiations between the two boards, but help me understand how negotiation by press release is a good idea. When the city manager put out a press release laying things out, made it very public. I don’t know why they left, but I believe that [unclear] was here to deal with this issue. I know WTMJ ran a story on it. We don’t need this. They’ll get to it. They’ll get to it…We don’t need any more bad press in the community.
As it turns out, this advice pairs nicely with “your generation wants everything handed to you,” “back in my day, people respected their elders,” and “we didn’t have smartphones, and we turned out fine.”
2. City v. Towns. One of the oldest political tricks is to mobilize smaller communities against a larger nearby community. The more rural areas demonize a slightly larger place (“human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together … MASS HYSTERIA!”) That’s the special-interest men’s latest scheme: trot in as many non-residents as you can to demand changes in Whitewater. This libertarian blogger has often been a critic of policies in this city, but has always lived here while doing so. I’d very much support more people moving here — there is no more beautiful city than Whitewater.
(Before my arrival here a generation ago, I lived in several other lovely cities. These years living here, I’ve traveled to many lovely cities in America and abroad. Nothing equals Whitewater. No matter how pleasant a vacation may be, I’m always grateful to return to our small city.)
The Whitewater Common Council has a duty to the 15,000 residents of this city first and foremost. Everyone else is a guest, to be treated politely and fairly, but as a guest.
1. These Difficult Times. Many who lived here in Whitewater are now gone, as some of us knew that they would be. It’s always been easier to harm than to heal. The threat of injury and abuse is a gripping, tormenting force. No human power on Earth is so formidable as today’s federal administration, yet the same has been said and confounded of so many powers of the past. It has been true for us since 1791 that “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.” We are a people with a right to limited government.
MOST REASSURING:
5. Time. Time moves in only one direction, and with each passing day, it builds up some and wears down others. It is impossible that conditions from the last generation in Whitewater will remain unchanged, either for people or nature. If it seems strange that some few residents of this town would try to hold change at bay (and it is strange, and it is selfish), then it’s even stranger to imagine that they could succeed. There’s no one that powerful in this town or in a thousand towns beyond Whitewater. Not anywhere. The modern and the normal were not going to wait outside forever. They haven’t, and they will bolster and wither what lies before them as they see fit. The sheer passage of time brings change.
4. Energy and Attention. It’s a more energetic city government. More projects — of greater range, creativity, and enthusiasm — than we saw over the last two decades. To the city administration — go ahead, proceed as expeditiously as your judgment suggests. Whitewater’s many thousands will be better for it. (This libertarian will do his level best to keep up.) High octane is the best octane.
3. An Open Municipal Government. We’ve a more informative and open city administration. It’s markedly better than in the past. More notices, more recordings, more memorandums, and more explanations of the reasoning behind decisions.
2. Charitable Possibilities. There’s a difference between predicting the weather and changing the weather; there’s a difference between being able to tell time and watchmaking. I’ve never claimed that a role as town blogger is all there is to city life. Not at all. City life is about 15,000 residents living their lives. Telling time is, however, a skill; predicting the weather is, however, a skill. If it comes about that in difficult national times Whitewater continues to find herself the recipient of increasing charity and benevolence, then at least I’ll be able to see and appreciate that charity from this vantage. We should all of us be grateful and hopeful for what the community receives.
1. More Housing of All Kinds. Our daily workforce in the city is far larger than the residential housing stock we now have. Much of that current stock is suited only for a narrow purpose and is unsuitable for those workers or other new residents. Rehabilitation of what we have and additions to what we have will uplift this city.
Again, as always — although a tragic optimist, I’m yet an optimist at bottom. We have much that is going well locally.
Best wishes for a Happy Halloween.