I saw in the latest copy of the Whitewater Register (a copy that I found in a gutter wrapped around a bottle of MD 20/20) that the paper’s holiday schedule will push back publication by an entire day.
How will all the members of the town faction bear up under pressure of that twenty-four hour delay? Will their hands shake and their eyes water as they wait convulsing for the next fine edition?
If all the workers at the paper’s printing press won the lottery, and quit to travel around the world, would sensible people miss the paper? I don’t see how.
I do understand that the paper plays a vital, nearly therapeutic role for the stodgy members of the town faction, needing the paper to convince themselves that they’re justified in what they do.
Although I would not be inclined to test the theory, I have heard that the paper makes far more sense while drinking a tall glass of Mogen David 20/20, in the original Red Grape Flavor, or, for the adventurous, Blue Raspberry Flavor with Bling Bling.