Christmas Tales: How the Grinch Stole Christmas Break by John Adams
Down in U-ville
Liked Christmas Break a lot…
But the Grinch,
Who lived just South of U-ville,
The Grinch hated Christmas Break! The whole winter season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be because it was the start of their fun.
Perhaps, because he was sorry their work was all done.
But, whatever the reason,
Their work or their fun,
He stood there on Christmas Break, hating the U’s,
Staring down from his office with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm lighted dorms below in our town.
For he was sure every student down in U-ville beneath
Was busy hanging a fresh-grown hemp wreath.
“And they’re hanging their posters!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Break! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find a way to keep Christmas Break from coming!”
For, tomorrow, he knew…
…All the U girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They’d rush for their buses!
And then! Oh, the Rallies! Oh, the Dances! The Fusses!
That’s one thing he hated! The FUSSES! The FUSSES!
They should stay quiet, they shouldn’t talk,
He really hated it when they’d leave the campus to walk
Around all the town that he thought was only his
He’d fix them good, he’s show them what is
He’d tried to keep them away,
Anyway that he could
He even petitioned the city
for a fence made of wood
But fences and high walls
Just weren’t quite enough
He’d drive to the campus,
and take all their stuff
And the more the Grinch thought of the Christmas-Break fling
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!
“Why for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!
I MUST stop Break from coming!
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Grinch Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!
“With this coat and this hat, I’ll look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a reindeer…”
The Grinch looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch…?
No! The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll ride a squad car instead!”
So he called sidekick, Chief Jim. Then he took some paint, both black and white
And he and he painted the car so it looked just right…
He loaded some bags
and filled the car to the brim
On a ramshackle squad car
He rode with Chief Jim.
Then the Grinch said, “Go!”
And the car started down
Toward the dorms where the students
Lay a-snooze in our town.
All their dorms were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the students were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first dorm in the square.
“This is stop number one,” The old Grinchy Claus hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
Where the student posters all hung in a row.
“These posters,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
iPods! And laptops! Stereos! Snacks!
Calculators! Scooters! Doritos! Backpacks!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the student feast!
He searched all around, in cupboard and pan
Why, that old Grinch even took their last beer can!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
“And NOW!” grinned the Grinch, “I will stuff up the tree!”
Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.
And the one speck of salsa
That he left in the house
Was a speck that was even too small for a mouse.
He did the same thing
To the other fraternity houses
Much too small
For the other brothers’ mouses!
It was quarter past dawn…
All the students, still tired by far
All the students, still a-snooze
When he packed up his car,
Packed it up with their stuff! The books! Every box!
The pencils! And the pens! The papers! The Crocs!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of old Starin,
He rode to the tiptop with his police siren blaring!
“Pooh-pooh to the students!” he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Break is coming!
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
“The all the students down in U-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch,
“That I simply must hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow…
It’s a story whose end is yet to be told
Of a Grinch who battles those not yet old
And his friends in the city who’d twist every rule
Just to keep those kids locked up in their school!