How to Keep Roma or Bedouin from Dominating Whitewater, Wisconsin’s Politics

Here in our exceptional city of 14,622, we can’t be too careful about outside influences, nefarious plots, and the reputed scheming of Madisonians to force every man, woman, and child in the city to wear tie-dye clothing.

And yet, and yet, there’s something even worse than these unsettling threats: at any moment, hordes of Roma gypsies or Bedouin nomads might flood the city, and declare themselves candidates for political office.

Whatever would we do?

Fortunately, long ago, incumbent politicians foresaw this dark prospect, and insisted on candidate requirements (beyond mere residency) of written declarations, nomination papers, and very specific deadlines.

To allow voters to choose from among a less-restricted set of candidates was too risky to the health and safety of a micropolitan dreamtown.

There are losses to us, of course. I’d guess that a torrent of Roma or Bedouin politicians might bring the occasional new idea, fresh perspective, or even aesthetic advantages that we lack.


We must be strong, as we’re called to vigilance in these difficult times. Let others encourage, welcome, and accept; we will discourage, regulate, and forfend.

It should be so: the stability of business as usual, unchanging from decade to decade, shall not be risked.