August 7, 1740. Monsieur Jean-Phillipe Crapaud, French cobbler from our very own Ville de Vantardise, will be traveling to Versailles later this year, to measure personally the feet of Prince Louis, fourth child of His Most Serene Majesty King Louis XV.
From those careful measurements, M. Crapaud will design and manufacture one pair of bedroom slippers for Prince Louis.
The prince expects first to wear the slippers, of a design now residing only in the imagination of Jean-Phillipe, sometime next year. The exact date is yet unscheduled, although earlier versions have been worn by his father, King Louis, as our monarch staggered to a chamber pot, or while tupping a chamber maid.
Accompanying M. Crapaud will be his discerning wife, Mme. Crapaud, his daughters, Mlle. Social Crapaud & Mlle. Grimpeur Crapaud, and whatever young men are in their favor at the trip’s beginning.
Jean-Phillipe is one of France’s – and Europe’s – leading cobblers. During the past 31 years, M. Crapaud has designed slippers, shoes, boots, and frilly little socks for the world’s most esteemed nobility. From the British royal family, to the King of Sweden, to the third bastard son of the Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI, our renowned cobbler has outfitted them all. Many times, on a cold winter’s night, an aristocrat somewhere in on the Continent will be known to shout, “Oh, Crapaud! My little piggies are cold! Lackey, get me Crapaud, tout de suite!”
Beyond his manufacturing schedule for shoes — including an open-toed style that’s all the rage at our court, and in brothels throughout London — M. Crapaud prepares special, custom shoes for the most dignified and sublime of the civilized world. Among upcoming efforts, Jean-Phillipe has on commission works for over 43 new men, including three drunk British admirals, two fat Prussian generals, and a Scottish merchant who made a killing in tea.
Many from our small village have asked — and how could they not? — why someone of Jean-Phillipe Crapaud’s globe-trotting, carriage-setting travels and social connections would remain among the common folk of Ville de Vantardise. Our humble Jean-Phillipe explains it best:
“Really, being a FAMOUS and ESTEEMED cobbler to the FINEST and MOST EXTRAORDINARY people on Earth is not something that interests me. I don’t feel it’s worth mentioning my WORLD TRAVEL, to the most AUGUST palaces, in the presence of CELEBRITIES of the FIRST ORDER. It’s not about me, at all. I am of no consequence.
It’s not even about being SOUGHT-AFTER by those with FAME, RICHES, and POWER.
I do not consider myself better than the LOW and ORDINARY people of our village, merely because the WEALTHY from AROUND the WORLD seek MY services. I remain a simple cobbler, despite the ACCOLADES and HONORS and NOTORIETY that SO MANY people of the HIGHEST RANK shower on me.”