I wrote last week about the atmosphere of a recent Common Council meeting, in a post called, “Tax Incremental Financing, Part 3: The Mood of It All.” Everyone who has been to a public or private meeting has a few tips for making the most out of the event. A reader asked me recently if I had ever been on a public board or commission, and the answer is that I have. Someone in that situation, or anyone on a private charitable or corporate committee, has a few ideas about how to be effective. Here are mine, addressed from a man’s point-of-view, as you’ll see.
1. Go to listen. Presume people are clever, interesting, with something to say. Most of them are; listen to their opinions.
2. Have a position or philosophy to guide you. What do you believe your city, charity, or corporation needs? Try to summarize your core beliefs. More spending, less spending, rational principles, ad hoc pragmatism: what’s your fundamental perspective? It helps if people can easily summarize your views, and can describe those views to others.
3. Avoid direct, personal confrontations. A few questions, or remarks by reply, are often more effective than a direct, boorish assault. You needn’t ‘win.’ It’s enough to get your point across.
4. Treat women respectfully, as you should in any event. Sometimes men, even younger ones, have trouble treating women respectfully during discussions or debates. It’s rare, but it happens. If you have this sort of problem, stay out of public life until you get the private help that you need. No one will like, respect, or listen to you if you mistreat women. The world is filled with countless intelligent, knowledgeable women. Everybody except a buffoon understands this to be true.
Don’t be overly solicitous, either. Just speak as you would normally, to anyone. Avoid odd and unfortunate references to how attractive a woman is, although she may be lovely. Many women are both intelligent and beautiful. Your wife is surely no less so; go home to her.
5. Don’t cram. Cramming may have worked in college, but it seldom works so well as a thorough, deliberate preparation with time to reflect on one’s opinions, and to consider the contrary opinions of others. Finish preparation for a meeting two nights’ time in advance. Spend the night before with your wife and kids, or out on a date, or just watching television. You are part of the meeting, not its servant.
6. Arrive on time, but not too early. There’s no sense sitting around, possibly becoming anxious, while staring at the four walls.
7. Dress conservatively. You’re there to represent your judgment, and that of your fellow citizens, not to attract attention with fluorescent colors or revealing attire. For cologne, perfume, and jewelry, less is more.
8. Dress effectively and comfortably. If you’re too warm, too cold, or your clothes are too tight, you’ll be distracted from the only important part of a meeting – hearing what people have to say, and representing your own views when appropriate.
9. If possible, change clothes for the evening. You’ve worked all day, and you’re tired. Sometimes small physical changes have a big psychological value. A fresh shirt, a chance to shave before the evening meeting – there’s a way in which these seemingly common acts work a powerful effect to rejuvenate an otherwise tired, citizen-volunteer.
10. Drinking (moderately) before a meeting? That’s challenging. A man should never drink to excess. The best way to avoid that embarrassing situation is not to drink at all. Wait until the meeting is over.
11. Drinking (moderately) after a meeting? Enjoy.
12. Acknowledge your own silly mistakes; avoid drawing attention to the silly mistakes of others. There’s a difference between a significant error of position and a silly mistake. People fumble occasionally, this being an imperfect world. Don’t try to capitalize on trivial errors and mistakes. If you believe an error has a deeper meaning, then say so. Otherwise, recognize that small errors are not targets of opportunity. When you make a mistake – and you will – admit it, and do so honestly, without excuses. Self-deprecating humor is often effective, if used sparingly, and with a true sense of humility.
13. Don’t be shocked easily. Suppose, for example, someone nearby starts telling a suggestive limerick. If he’s an opponent, for goodness’ sake don’t interrupt him; let him tell the entire, ribald rhyme. He’ll do himself more damage by finishing than you can do by interrupting him with a rebuke. Someone else is likely to rebuke him, in any event, and that’s your opportunity for a sympathetic glance toward those who were offended. If he’s an ally (and if you need him as an ally), then a mild word of caution may be in order. (Most of these unfortunate moments transpire in smaller gatherings, before or after a meeting, and away from television cameras and reporters.)
There’s one set of statements, however, that require a more direct response: racial or religious bigotry. Still, do not show surprise or shock – show calm disdain and disagreement. Don’t raise your voice. Be firm, clear, and direct – those views are inconsistent with the deepest traditions of this country. If a person shows genuine contrition, accept his apology.