This morning, I proposed a bold new future of clean, efficient, safe nuclear power for Whitewater. Ordinarily, a proposal so visionary, so groundbreaking, might have to wait years for vindication and acceptance.
Not this time – only a few hours after I posted my proposal for an atomic age in Whitewater, the Reuters news agency published a story that confirms how compelling my proposal is.
Reuters reports that a devastating tornado struck a nuclear research reactor at Kansas State University.
Tragedy? Disaster? Not at all!
Consider this inspiring account of American engineering skill (emphasis added):
The tornado caused extensive damage to the building, but no damage to the reactor, which had been shut down properly earlier in the day
That’s right, Whitewater – the reactor was impervious even to the effects of a tornado. Everyone knows that the reactor’s the really important part of a nuclear power plant, anyway – the other buildings just have a bunch of technicians in short-sleeved shirts sitting around drinking coffee and watching computer screens.
Reuters isn’t even an American company, yet they acknowledge the greatness of American design.
We’ve probably spent a small fortune building a Whitewater municipal command facility in the event of a weather emergency. My plan for a reactor makes a separate facility superfluous. The Reuters story proves that there’s a better way.
In a tornado, hurricane, tsunami, mudslide, or volcanic explosion, our political leaders need not worry about their security within a hum-drum, conventional municipal shelter.
Instead, our political class could be assured of complete security merely by retreating to the protected core of Whitewater’s very own nuclear reactor. Once safely inside, they could wait out even the most ferocious storm in the toasty sanctuary that only cheap, efficient nuclear power can provide.
My proposal for a nuclear reactor will not only create jobs for technicians, construction workers, and nuclear engineers – it will simultaneously ensure the storm-proof safety of our political leaders.
Besides, what difference could survival mean to us, if they were not here afterward to govern so nobly and wisely? To borrow an expression from the oh-so-estimable editor of the Whitewater Register, ‘what would we ever do without them?’ Thanks to this proposal, you won’t have to go to bed worried sick about it.
Oh you clever, educated, well-traveled, sophisticated, town-faction skeptics — are you embarrassed now? This morning some of you were unconvinced. Reflect on, and rue now, your too-hasty dismissal.
Ye of little faith – doubt not the power of the atom.
Our better future is just a sustained, controlled nuclear reaction away.