Yesterday, in a post entitled, Why Can’t Whitewater Publicize Its Own Chupacabra, Lake Monster, Giant Ape, Etc.?, I remarked on the cash-generating possibilities of a fabricated legendary creature for Whitewater:
There’s no need to milk taxpayers — either in Whitewater or elsewhere — of millions, when a profitable venture in mythological animals might be started for peanuts. For decades, the screwball Pratt Institute conducted all sorts of nutty, theologically-unsound seances, and Whitewater got nothing good out of it. For a fraction of price of time and energy on excuses about TID 4’s sorry state, we could have our own version of the Loch Ness legend.
We’d clean up if only we’d
spreadcarefully publicize a few harmless stories about mysterious hounds, bipedal amphibians, or skunk apes.
Last night, I came home from a wonderful evening, and what did I see on the news? I saw this headline at Channel 3000:
Damnit! Juneau County’s already ahead of us. They wasted no time, no time at all, jumping on a mysterious animal craze, now in full swing after a supposed chupacabra discovery in Texas. I cannot describe how abraded, affronted aggravated, annoyed, bothered, bugged, burned, chafed, disturbed, driven up the wall, enraged, exasperated, galled,grated, incensed, inflamed, infuriated, irked, maddened, needled, nettled, offended, pained, peeved, pestered, piqued, provoked, put out, rankled, riled, roiled, rubbed the wrong way, ruffled, soured, tried, and vexed I am.
More, even, than usual.
And look at this — there’s a news video about this Juneau County creature:
Did they ever get a jump on Whitewater. Sure, it looks like a sickly possum, or a crappy raccoon, but it’s news. Now this guy will pull it out of his freezer, have it stuffed, and charge for tourists from across America, Europe, and Japan (probably especially Japan, as they love this sort of thing) to see it.
There’s still time, but no time to waste, leaving discovering giant ape footprints along the Cravath Lakefront, or the trail of an aquatic beast that emerged from Trippe Lake.
Oh, Whitewater, let’s not allow this golden opportunity to pass. If Juneau County can do it, so can we.