Three weeks ago, a reader kindly sent me a detailed email about restaurants, with a list of questions about my thoughts on service, food, dining out, etc. I answered shortly after the email arrived, and below one will find a posted version of some of those questions and my replies. (The original correspondence has been edited into a post-style format, while preserving the gist of the original questions and replies.)
Q. Why dine out?
A. One should be looking for delicious food, kindly served, in a pleasant atmosphere. So, I’d say almost everyone thinks three very obvious things matter: food, service, ambiance.
Q. Is it ever acceptable to send food back?
A. Yes, if one thinks that the meal can be prepared properly and returned within a reasonable time.
If the meal cannot be returned as requested, there’s no point in asking. Asking for a dish to be prepared as requested requires confidence that it can be prepared as requested. If the meal comes out as a complete mess, and one thinks the chef is probably a lost cause, there’s no point in requesting another attempt.
It’s better to leave without fuss if the kitchen is a lost cause. It’s a patron’s evening, and there’s no reason to waste it on repeated error.
Sending something back shows confidence that it can be done well and returned properly. It’s best to give a restaurant another try, except in dire circumstances.
Q. Aren’t you worried that sending something back will lead to tampering with the food as revenge?
A. Oh, brother. No, not at all. First, because that’s highly unlikely, and second because if one actually thought the establishment might wrongly alter one’s meal, it wouldn’t be worth patronizing that sort of place in any event.
It’s simply not a concern of mine.
Q. What are a server’s responsibilities (or fault)?
A. Knowing the menu, presenting it kindly, and being attentive to a patron’s needs (even without his or her having to ask).
Q. Should you tip?
A. Yes. Restaurant work is hard, and servers depend on tips as an important part of their income. I cannot think of a time when I haven’t tipped a server.
If I didn’t want to leave a tip, I would stay at home, or eat at Burger King (and I would not eat at Burger King).
Q. What happens when it’s slow [when there are service delays]?
A. Most delays will be kitchen delays, not server delays. A server might be inattentive, or get an order wrong, but most likely slow delivery of a meal is a kitchen problem.
A kitchen delays occurs when the kitchen cannot keep up with ordinary volume, or when the host seats too many and exceeds the kitchen’s ability to prepare multiple meals at the same seating (that is, the kitchen faces extraordinary volume).
While some delays can be a server’s fault, the server does not prepare the meal, so pressure on a server to fix a kitchen problem is of limited value.
The host should know the capacity of the kitchen, and what the kitchen staff can handle.
Q. What’s a good way to addressing problems?
A. Sometimes problems occur (delays, mistaken orders, inattention, etc.). When they do, they should only be addressed at the restaurant if doing so will make the dining experience better, then and there, without much fuss.
If it takes a lot of fuss, then the experience is already a failure, and there’s no point persisting that evening. The whole point of dining out is to have a pleasant time, not to argue with servers, kitchen staff, etc.
To do so during one’s visit is a waste of one’s time, an unnecessary distraction from an evening, and a distraction to other patrons, too.
The next day, one can always write to the establishment and express concerns about an experience gone very wrong.
One should tell one’s friends about good experiences, and warn them about disappointing ones.
It is, however, a marketplace all around: there are many alternatives in a community, and it does no good to linger over disappointing ones when better offerings may be found elsewhere in town.
Going into a restaurant, one should be optimistic about a hoped-for happy experience, and enter in good spirits.
This gives, I’d guess, an idea of my thinking. Coming up Thursdays on FREE WHITEWATER: A summer of establishments to review.