Real marketing is a legitimate pursuit. By contrast, manipulative, smooth-talking, super-sophisticated men & women spend hours convincing others that the next big thing is, in fact, the Next Big Thing.
They declare that millions of taxpayers’ money spent on white-collar projects, while truly needy people receive no benefit whatever, are Astonishing Feats of Global Significance Worthy of Perpetual Praise.
How do these marketeers speak so well and elegantly? What’s their powerful secret?
They’d probably tell you the same thing they whisper to themselves while looking into their mirrors each morning: that they’re naturally gifted, possessed of insights and secrets unknown to mere mortals.
I doubt that’s true, but no matter, Dear Readers: I can show you how to sound just like these undoubted treasures of the age.
Why read closely of works generations before have profitably studied over hundreds, perhaps thousands of years?
Why, even, go the smooth-talking person’s route of whole hours spent scanning trendy magazines for catchphrases to seem insightful?
The Secrets of the Super-Sophisticated Marketeer can be had, or at least mimicked, more quickly and easily.
Better still, you can imitate these great men and women for only $10.50 (plus shipping.).
Over at Amazon, they’re selling a small box of refrigerator magnets that will confer on any purchaser the same level of insight and knowledge held by smooth-talking, super-sophisticated, public-project hawking marketeers: The Magnetic Poetry Office Kit.
One would not be spending $10.50 on the kit – the purchase would be an investment in our common future.
Look:
Amazing, isn’t it?
These two-hundred or so tiny magnets have on them all the jargon, cant, buzzwords, slang, and argot you’ll need to sound at least as unctuous as anyone who’s ever hawked a publicly-funded boondoggle.
One can mix the letters in countless empty phrases to feign the knowledge others acquired through actual reading.
Here’s just one example, using only a few of the many words the kit provides:
Impressive, no?
Soon, you’ll be ready to tackle the heady and high-octane world of marketing crony capitalism and white-collar welfare.
The pleasure’s been mine, I’m quite sure.